My girls started school this week and our youngest, Evie, entered Kindergarten.
Can I just say I still haven't figured out how I feel about this?
She is so ready. This was apparent to us the night we went up to the school for open house. Like any loving and neurotic parent, you worry somehow that they won't be ready. You wonder if you've taught them everything they need to know. I want somehow to have reassurance that they will be okay.
Which is why through my sobs as we drove away from the school building that morning, I bossy-pants looked at Caleb and demanded (somewhat more loving than I remember at the moment), "Tell me I did a good job!"
Can I just say I realize I am a little bit of a mess and all over the place?
That I don't quite know what to do with myself yet?
That each morning thus far as I wave goodbye, I leave the school with a funny feeling in my stomach wondering "who am I?"
That I do know that all of this, in some small way, is preparing us for the even bigger goodbyes and life changes that lie ahead of us?
I mean, look at this little Grace with the pea stuck in her mouth!!!
And look at this little Evie who was so upset that the cake batter was "all gone!"
Where did those days go?
Do you think that I wished them away at times because I was probably exasperated, overwhelmed and desperately wanted quiet?
I hope not. But in the quiet these last few days, I've missed the noise.
I've missed talking to the girls during the day.
While watering the yard, I saw a praying mantis and a frog. I started to holler at them to come look and I realized they were at school.
When I got groceries, I absentmindedly opened up the side doors of the van for them to get in.
These not so silly little adjustments are tugging at my heart.
I am trying to be so grateful they are growing up.
I want this. It is good. It is just the end of a decade of having a little person(s) at home.
It is the end of a season of wondering and planning ways to fill our days.
Crafts. Baking. Going outside. Going for walks. Playing at the park. Scheduling play dates with friends. Scrambling for babysitters while I go to doctor. Taking Evie to her favorite Miss Deidre's house while I go to work.
This past weekend we had a family movie night and went to see "The Odd Life of Timothy Green". Other than me sobbing like a freak show during most of the movie (I am rather imbalanced these days, I think I mentioned),
one of our favorite parts of the film happened when the adoption agent asked the parents what they would do differently next time.
They answered, "We'd just make different mistakes".
As I have ample time to reflect back over the past 10 years of mostly staying home with our girls, I am trusting that we gave it our best. And that in time, I'll find out who I am in this next place.
Until then, I am sure finding comfort spending crazy amounts of time looking at pictures like these.