Earlier this week, I was crouched over on my hands and knees scrubbing the carpet in Evie's room. I had already stripped the sheets and thrown them in the wash. New sheets had already been put back on the bed. I had tucked her into our bed and held her until she fell back asleep.
It was well after 3 a.m. but in the quiet,
I felt God's presence wrap around me.
Mothers of little ones know what this feels like. You would think exhaustion and irritability would take over, but in a weird way you find peace amidst the chaos.
My heart hurt for her.
Her little eyes looked sad and she didn't want to feel this way. Other than give her comfort, there was nothing I could do.
But in her pain she needed me in a way she doesn't when she is full of energy, running and pursuing childhood with a ferocious appetite.
Each night before bed we tuck our girls in and one of us says a prayer over them before they sleep.
Lately Evie has been wanting to do all of the praying.
Probably because this is the way she can draw out bedtime.
She can pray for a loooonnnnggg time.
But the other week as she neared the end of her narrative to God she asked, "God, could You just make the whole world feel better?"
As I was on the floor that night, I had an overwhelming feeling that I wonder if God feels this way with us?
Instead of being turned away or angry at our sickness of sin did He feel mostly sad?
How much did it hurt Him to see us not at our best?
In such a loving and remarkable way He sent us Jesus as a way for us to get out of the mess.
I am so thankful as Christmas nears, we get to celebrate the birth of the One who literally saves us from this.
I both love and hate these pictures of my girls.
They both were very sick at the time, running high fevers.
In a subtle way it shows them not as they should be.
I don't know about you but I know I find an enormous amount of comfort and peace in knowing that God wants my best. He wants such a full and abundant life for me that He grieves over my sickness and my sin.
He so longs to comfort and heal me that He sent me a Savior.
This doesn't guarantee I won't continue to struggle, get sick or still fall into places that I shouldn't be...but it means all I have to do when this happens is reach up like Evie did that night, cry out and allow myself to be comforted in His amazing grace.
If I haven't told you already....Merry Christmas.